Jack Bauer As Coach Of The Raiders

Obviously I'm in a "24" frame of mind, so here's something else:

Five reasons why Jack Bauer should be the new coach of the Oakland Raiders:

"Coach Bauer! We've tried everything...we just can't stop Shaun Alexander."
"Where's his wife?"
"Uh...probably in the luxury boxes."
"Gimmie my sniper rifle."
**BANG!!**
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"No way, Coach Bauer, I can't practice today. Doc says I have turf toe."
**BANG!!**
"Anybody else hurt?"
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"Well, we talked with Coach Bauer on Friday and this formation is exactly what he said he was gonna do and--what the hell is that banging on the door?"
"SIMMS, YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!!"
**BANG!!**
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"THERE'S NO TIME!!!!"
"Uh, coach? We still have all three timeouts left, plus the two minute warning."
**BANG!!**
"I hate moles."
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"Coach, I need to ask you a couple of questions for my column...my name is Dan Shaugness--**BANG!!**