Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Re-Imagining the Buckner Game

Last night WEEI re-aired Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, with an alternate ending. While I think this was an incredibly pathetic display, I must admit I am curious what the alternate ending was. Probably lame and predictable like Buckner hitting the winning home run or something like that.

Personally, I'm hoping they went outside the box a little bit, like having the game canceled because Darryl Strawberry snorted the foul lines, or Buckner makes a clean play on the grounder but messes up the throw anyway.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Bush Administration Expands War On Terror

WASHINGTON, DC - President Bush today announced his intention to open up a new front on the War On Terror, this time against Sparrowhawks.

"These creatures are a menace to America," Bush said in a news conference to a wildly cheering crowd at the "Impartial Americans for a Republican America" dinner this afternoon. "We can't have birds flying over our unsecured borders and terrorizing innocent Squirrel-Americans. Before you know it they'll be flying into buildings."

"That's why I am challenging Congress to build a 35-foot tall fence around our borders," Bush said. "If God wanted these birds to use our services, pray to our God, take our jobs and eat our Squirrel-Americans, he would have given them a green card and a map to Shoney's like He gives to every legal immigrant."

Additionally, Bush said he has begun a deforestation plan on federal lands to limit Sparrowhawk habitats, and had approved 15 companies to submit their best bids for development rights.

WASHINGTON NOTES: Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlmen urged the President to rescind any disaster aid for Northeast Flooding this year, insisting that it was God's punishment for them voting against the President in the last election. He added that the recent phenomenon where every Republican in Washington complained about stigmata spelling out "Hey War Profiteers: Go to hell - there are some things even I don't forgive!" was just a bad reaction to an unusally humid Washington spring...15 different subsidieries of Halliburton
were endorsed by Vice President Dick Cheney to President Bush to bid on the National Forest Redevelopment...New White House Spokesman Mr. T detailed the new Administration policy to punish anyone harboring political satirists critical to the Administration. "I pity the fool who pities the fools," said T...The surprise hiring of Mr. T was seen as President Bush's latest salvo vs. mainstream Hollywood, as aides close to the President say he has never forgiven Hollywood for shutting out DC Cab from the 1983 Oscars.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

What If Whack-A-Mole Were Invented Today?

Do you think the guy who invented "Whack-A-Mole" would have ever gotten anywhere today? I can just imagine PETA jumping all over it. It would be an interesting pitch:

"I've got this great idea for a game...you get about a dozen people standing in front of boards where these cute little plastic moles will pop up randomly."

"Then the people, armed with mallets, recklessly pound the living crap out of the moles and the one who gets the most of them wins!"

"I think it would be great for children's carnivals."