Sunday, February 19, 2006

Stop & Shop & Try Not To Stare At The Butt Crack

Last night I was on my way to see a friend's band. I had to take my wife's car, because my car is fairly old with leaks and it was too cold to have to scrape both the inside and outside of the windows.

Unfortunately, her car was low on gas, so I stopped at the Stop & Shop in Whitman to gas up. ($2.02/gal) I rolled in there at 9:50pm, ten minutes to spare. Pull up to the pump to pay at the pump. I put my card in, but its the wrong way. I wait and flip it over, but it still won't read. I wait for a few minutes for the machine to reset, and yet it still won't read the card and says "MUST PAY INSIDE."
Totally cold and frustrated, I go over to the booth and give the girl the card. Before I can say anything, she asks "How much?" I say "I want to fill it up." She says, "I don't know what that means."


So finally, she lets out a big tortured sigh, and gets up and runs across to the pump and puts my card in, and viola, it works. Without a word, she huffs back to the booth and turns the lights off on me. (at least 7 minutes before closing time)

Now, normally I would feel a bit embarassed about not being able to work a simple piece of technology, especially one I use quite frequently. Or annoyed at her attitude.

But not this time.

You see, she was wearing jeans that were so ill-fitting that they were exposing a minimum of three inches of butt-crack. When I first saw her get up in the booth, I did a double+take, thinking "I didn't see that right, and if I did, she'll quickly hike 'em up in a second."

Nope. As she was running across the tarmac to my car, it seemed all I could see were those three inches bouncing along to the car.

Oh, and to head off the questions that I've already heard: no, this wasn't the type of butt-crack that should have been exposed.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Movie Ads

Just saw Curious George (Yes, I did bring my designated three-year-old to fend off potential problems with the law). There has been a lot of talk about the ads in the movie. For some reason the fruit company one bothered me a lot, but the German car maker one didn't. Not sure why. (I refuse to put their names in here - if they want to pay to be featured in the movie, they can pay to be mentioned here.) Perhaps because the fruit company one was featured on a bunch of tipped over banana boxes, each of which seemingly fell in such a way that the huge fruit company logo oneach box was upturned so you got a hundred views of D-- whoops, I mean fruit company logos.

As far as the German car company, The Man With The Yellow Hat borrowed a car made by that particular company and drove it around a couple of times. Since that logo was just on the car - like you'd see on any other car - that didn't seem quite as gratuitious. It wasn't like he went out of his way to say "Hey, let's jump in my borrowed V-- er, I mean German car/truck thing!" it just seemed more natural.

What really bothered me, and has for quite some time, are non-movie related commercials in front of the movie. Everyone wants to see previews - I do NOT want to see some idiots dancing around because they are drinking P-- er, I mean a leading soft drink brand. There was one guy dancing like a fool, and then across the busy street there was another woman dancing like a fool, drinking away. They danced, and they danced some more, until finally they met in the middle of the street and danced together atop a cab.

Unfortunately, for some reason the traffic that was buzzing along at a good clip only seconds before had ground to a halt. I was hoping the traffic would still be speeding along and they would have ended up dancing their idiiotic selves underneath the cab's tires.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Jack Bauer Workplace Challenge - 2/8/06

Jack Bauer can use these lines at work...can you?

"I'm done talking with you, you understand me? First thing I'm gonna do is take out your right eye, then I'm gonna move over and take out your left and then I'm gonna cut you and keep cutting into you until I get the information I need."

This line can come in handy when you keep getting the runaround and you need information in a hurry. This made one of the most powerful men in government crack on "24" surely it will help you get those figures you need from Accounting.

Bonus 24 Line from Audrey Raines:
"It's taking me a little while to get used to you being alive."

This one can often come up when you have a formerly unmotivated co-worker who is suddenly active once again.

"By the time I finish with you, you're gonna wish you felt this good again."

I think we can all agree that most meetings could use some truth in advertising and begin with this simple statement.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Super Bowl Commercials

My vote for favorite Super Bowl commerical has to go to the FedEx Caveman one. I guess I'm just a sucker for commercials where people come to a violent end. I also liked the Bud Light Rooftop commercial, taking particular delight when the toolbox landed on the guy's head at the end. Pagin Dr. Frued...

My runner-up was the Full Throttle commercial, I think it was taglined with "Get you man out" or something like that. I have no idea what Full Throttle is, and I think it was a bit stereotypical. but I thought it was a fun commercial. I especially loved the part where the two guys are running down the street with a stuffed shark. Again - probably just me, but for whatever reason that kinda random stuff appeals to me.

Now for the worst. Easy: Pizza Hut with Jessica Simpson. bad enough that the talentless hack (well, she does have talented large breasts according to her father which is just really creepy) can't write her own music and has to remake a Nancy Sinatra song for the Dukes of Hazzard movie. But then she has to turn around and sell THAT out to a pizza joint? Classless.

Runner up for worst: Gillette Mach 5 or whatever the hell that damn thing with five blades was called. I'm more offended by the product than the commercial, to tell you the truth. Do we really need five damn blades? In twenty years will there just be a board in the bathroom with 129 blades that we just rub our face against? And what the hell - didn't the old Norelco electric shavers have about thirty blades on each wheel? If more blades are better then why didn't those 90-blade buzzsaws stick around?