Jack Bauer As Coach Of The Raiders

Obviously I'm in a "24" frame of mind, so here's something else:

Five reasons why Jack Bauer should be the new coach of the Oakland Raiders:

"Coach Bauer! We've tried everything...we just can't stop Shaun Alexander."
"Where's his wife?"
"Uh...probably in the luxury boxes."
"Gimmie my sniper rifle."
**BANG!!**
---
"No way, Coach Bauer, I can't practice today. Doc says I have turf toe."
**BANG!!**
"Anybody else hurt?"
---
"Well, we talked with Coach Bauer on Friday and this formation is exactly what he said he was gonna do and--what the hell is that banging on the door?"
"SIMMS, YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!!"
**BANG!!**
---
"THERE'S NO TIME!!!!"
"Uh, coach? We still have all three timeouts left, plus the two minute warning."
**BANG!!**
"I hate moles."
---
"Coach, I need to ask you a couple of questions for my column...my name is Dan Shaugness--**BANG!!**

The Jack Bauer Workplace Challenge - 1/23

Jack Bauer gets away with these lines in a typical workday, why not you?

11AM HOUR
"I believe that whoever tried to kill me 18 months ago, somehow found out I was still alive."

If you say things like this during your typical workday, well, you should probably look for a safer job.

Comedy Schedule - 1/21

THURSDAY, FEB. 2
Jimbo's South
Braintree Five Corners
Braintree, MA
8PM

MONDAY, FEB. 20
Comedy Connection
Faneuil HallBoston, MA
8PM

SATURDAY, MAR. 11
Holiday Inn
Rte. 28
Randolph, MA
9PM

The Jack Bauer Workplace Challenge - 1/16/06

Jack Bauer uses these lines in a typical workday, why not you?

9AM HOUR
"I don't work for you. You want my intel? Fine. But I'm doing this my way."

10AM HOUR
"People were going to die here today. That was their plan."

Can you get away with saying things like this during YOUR typical workday? Share how you would like to use these lines in your typical workday in the Comments section. Brownie points for those who actually get to use these lines in a workday!

The Jack Bauer Workplace Challenge - 1/15/06

Are these things that you say during a typical day at work? If not, then your name is obviously not Jack Bauer, the government agent played by Keifer Sutherland on "24." Each week I'll post my favorite line - taken wildly out of context - uttered by Jack and let you imagine how YOU would have used it during your day at work. Since the Season Premiere is a four-hour/two-day event it will start out with a bang:

7AM HOUR
"The only reason you're still conscious is that I don't want to carry you."
(ed. note: He said this to someone he later said he cared for very much!)

8AM HOUR
"You're gonna tell me what I want to know - it's just a question of how much you want it to hurt."
(ed. note: On the other hand, I don't think this person is going to make the Bauer Christmas Card list. In other words, he was not someone Jack cared for very much. Plus when confronted with Jack Bauer, the guy chose suicide, so it really wouldn't make sense to send him a Christmas card.)

To honor Jack, please try to use these lines in work today. If you do use a line, please share by adding a comment to this post. Have fun!

Ready For Some Football?

You think you're a big fan? read about this "nutjob" - literally.

Also, be sure to catch Part One of The Invasion of Red Sox Nation over at The Calapai Report.

FOUND! Mozart's Skull!

Looks like scientists have finally found Mozart's skull. Turns out Marilyn Manson was using it as a bust on his piano.

COMEDY SCHEDULE - 1/4/06

THURSDAY, FEB. 2
Jimbo's South
Braintree Five Corners
Braintree, MA
8PM

MONDAY, FEB. 20
Comedy Connection
Faneuil Hall
Boston, MA
8PM

SATURDAY, MAR. 11
Holiday Inn
Rte. 28
Randolph, MA
9PM